I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
