im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
