I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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