I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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