i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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