No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
