Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
They have beer where we have blood.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
