At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
