D3 body, D1 cock
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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