Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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