I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
