i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
