Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
