i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
