I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
