ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
