YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
