we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
