I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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