Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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