he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
