my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My penis needs a shock collar
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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