There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
