apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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