i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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