I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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