Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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