I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
