sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
