I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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