The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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