a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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