I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My vagina is very pro this idea
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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