Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
