I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
