I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
