Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
