hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
