I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
