at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
