there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
