good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
