I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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