69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize