Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
