I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Damn victory sex feels great
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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