the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
