wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
