shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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