Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
