There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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