I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
