Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
