It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
