He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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