Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
