Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
