Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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