he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
