just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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