My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
