Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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