No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
