My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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