did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
