Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
