U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
