so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh god it's open bar.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
