Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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