Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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