and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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