Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
