So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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