It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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