The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
