she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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