He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
