A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
