You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
All I want is dick and wine.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
