Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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