Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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