here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
