I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
