I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
