the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
